Pickles, Screenplay. Pistachio Films #11

PICKLES

FADE IN:

EXT. BUSY STREET. DAY

Paul (33) and Jim (35) walk on the sidewalk. They talk. They pass a supermarket. Paul stops and Jim goes on. Suddenly he realises that Paul is not with him. He stops and looks back. Jim goes back.

JIM What is it Paul? We'll be late. PAUL Just remembered that Rita asked me to get her pickles for dinner. JIM I'll wait. PAUL Come on Jim. JIM It's OK really. Go. PAUL You don't mind that I'll get it do you? JIM No.Why should I ? Rita is our friend. (beat) Go. EXT. SUPERMARKET. DAY

Paul stands in the pickles department. He puts a can in the cart. Jim comes to him.

JIM What did you take her? Paul turns and sees him. PAUL Hi. What? JIM What did you take her? Pickled cucumbers in brine or in vinegar? PAUL In brine of course. JIM Did Rita ask for pickles in brine? PAUL No. She just said pickled cucumbers. Jim looks in the cart. He picks up the can. JIM Rita likes them in vinegar. PAUL No. She likes them in brine. JIM How do you know? PAUL I just know. JIM You think everyone has your taste? PAUL We usually give our friends what we like. JIM Did you ever see her eating cucumbers in brine? PAUL No. (beat) I never saw her eating cucumbers in vinegar either. JIM I tell you she doesn't eat cucumbers in brine. (beat) Put it back. Paul turns the cart. Jim puts out his hand and stops it. PAUL What you doing Jim? JIM Listen Paul. I don't want Rita to hate you and she will if you take her cucumbers in brine. PAUL You are kidding right? JIM Never been more serious. PAUL I'm not going to argue with you over cucumbers JIM Pickled. PAUL Of course they're pickled. Brine. Jim takes the can out of the cart and goes back. He puts the can on the shelf and takes another one. He puts it in the cart. Paul picks the can and looks at it. PAUL (CONT'D) You got no right you know. Rita asked me. So it's my responsibility. JIM No. We share the responsibility. PAUL We do? JIM Sure. Once Rita knows I was with you I become part of it. PAUL Bullshit. When it comes to pickles it's every man for himself. JIM I thought we were friends. Close. PAUL OK, We aren't going to argue. Paul takes back the can. He comes back empty handed. PAUL (CONT'D) The moment I told you about the pickled cucumbers I knew it was a mistake. JIM Is that so Paul? PAUL Yeah. (beat) It's just a fucking pickled cucumber can. JIM She'll take one look at it and I'll throw it out the window and then she won't talk to us for days. PAUL I'm not taking her anything and that's final. I'll say I forgot all about it. JIM It's the easy way out. PAUL OK. Then the super was out of pickled cucumbers. He takes the cart and moves to the exit. Jim stays behind. Paul turns back and looks at him. PAUL (CONT'D) Well? You coming? JIM Let's take both. Brine and Vinegar. PAUL She asked for one can. JIM I'll take whatever she doesn't want. PAUL You'd rather confuse her than bring her what she wants and she wants cucumbers in brine. JIM You know for a fact that she wants brine and only brine? PAUL You heard me saying she wanted only brine? JIM So she might be open-minded and accept the vinegar? PAUL It is a matter of preferences. JIM If she prefers brine she'll give us back the vinegar. PAUL You mean she'll let you have the vinegar? JIM Sure. PAUL But we'll tell her that I said brine and that you insisted on vinegar? JIM You, me. It doesn't matter. PAUL Yes it does. Jim goes back to the shelf. He picks two cans and takes them back. He puts one in Paul's cart. JIM Now it's settled. You pay for the brine and I for the vinegar. PAUL Two separate bags? JIM Sure. PAUL You bastard. JIM What's the matter now? PAUL I know you. (beat) We come in and the dinner already started. Rita kisses us and puts drinks in our hands. Then she asks us what's in the bags? JIM So we tell her pickled cucumbers. PAUL Just pickled cucumbers? JIM Yeah. PAUL We don't mention brine or vinegar? JIM You want to? PAUL No. Then she's going to ask us to put the bags in the kitchen. (beat) You got a pen? JIM No. What do you want a pen for? PAUL We'll get one from the cashier and write " Paul " on the brine and " Jim " on the vinegar. JIM OK. PAUL Then Rita asks Jill to go into the kitchen and open the pickled cucumber can. Does she come back and asks her which one of the two? JIM Jill never asks anything. She knows fucking all. PAUL Right. What does she do? Does she read what it says on the cans? Vinegar - Jim, Brine - Paul? JIM Jill wouldn't. PAUL So she puts both in a big bowl and Rita has no idea who brought what and we both catch it. JIM Unless we save the empty cans and prove it to her later. PAUL We'll have to make sure that Jill doesn't take out the trashcan. JIM We'll have to be very quick. Paul and Jim walk to the cashier. There are two people in line and a woman before them. Linda looks at Jim and Paul and at the two cans. LINDA Excuse me. JIM What? LINDA You two are together? JIM Sort of. LINDA So why do you carry the can? Put it in your friend's cart. PAUL Who says we're friends? LINDA Well... PAUL It's my cart. Let him get his own. JIM He thinks that two cans of pickled cucumbers can not be in the same cart. PAUL Not if one is vinegar and the other is brine. LINDA Friendship does not necessarily mean same taste. JIM It's not for us. PAUL For a dear friend. JIM (to the cashier) Do you have a pen miss? The cashier hands him a pen CASHIER Don't forget to give it back. JIM I won't. I just going to write something on both cans. Jim writes his name on his can. One man goes out and Linda moves forward with her cart. Jim hands the pen to Paul. Paul writes on his can. Paul gives back the pen. PAUL (to Jim) What did you write? JIM Just my name. LINDA What's your name? JIM Jim LINDA (to Paul) He wrote more than just " Jim " PAUL He did? LINDA He wrote more than three letters. PAUL (to Jim) Let me see your can. JIM OK. I'll wipe it off. PAUL Wipe what off? JIM " To Rita ". PAUL Fuck you Jim. LINDA If you agreed on writing just the name... JIM You stay out of it (beat) please PAUL Sorry. He thinks he is so smart (mimics) " To Rita ". " To Rita ". Jim takes out a tissue and wipes the can. PAUL (CONT'D) Let me see it. JIM Don't you trust me? PAUL Not when it comes to Rita Jim shows the can. Paul looks at it. PAUL (CONT'D) OK. LINDA Who's this Rita? JIM A friend. PAUL She asked me to bring her pickled cucumbers. JIM We're on our way to her for dinner. LINDA Is she tall, nice figure, long brown hair, green eyes? JIM Yeah (beat) You know her? LINDA She was here the other day and talked about this dinner she was going to give. JIM She talked to you? LINDA No. Not to me. The man in front of Linda moves away. Linda starts to take her things from the cart and puts them in front of the cashier. PAUL Whom did she talk to Ms..? LINDA Linda, Linda Jenkins. (beat) The cashier mentioned that she wasn't buying the usual stuff and she said " Yes. It's for this dinner I'm having ". PAUL It's her all right. Rita. JIM Yeah. She lives not far from here. Right around the block. LINDA You say she's your friend? JIM We've known her for years.5 at least. PAUL She was in that play that I took my niece to on her 6th birthday. Almost 6 years ago. JIM He came back and didn't stop talking about her until I promised to see the play. JIM (CONT'D) We're very close now Ms. Jenkins. LINDA Don't think so. PAUL Why do you say that? LINDA For sure you do not know about her allergy. JIM Allergy? Come on Ms, Jenkins. Rita is healthy as a horse. LINDA Wrong. The cashier told her that they had a " pickled cucumbers special deal " and Rita said that she was allergic to garlic. JIM Garlic? LINDA Look at the can. The ingredients contain garlic. Jim and Paul look at the can. PAUL She can't be. Maybe she was just kidding. LINDA No. She wasn't. PAUL (to Jim) Did we ever see her eating garlic? JIM Don't think so. (beat) If this lady is right than how come Rita asked you to bring her pickled cucumbers? PAUL She didn't ask. She wrote it down. JIM Let me see the note. PAUL I don't have it on me right now but I remember it clearly. It said "Get me pickled cucumbers " JIM Please PAUL Please? JIM Rita always adds please after a request. PAUL Yeah. OK. Maybe she did write please. Linda finishes paying her bill and starts to pack her shopping. CASHIER (to Jim) You taking the pickles? Both cans? JIM No. (to Paul) Let's put them back. PAUL OK. If you say so. Both get out of line and walk towards the inside of the super. PAUL (CONT'D) Remember you were the one who said to put them back Jim? JIM I didn't say I suggested. We'll tell her we forgot to get it. PAUL And you think there is a difference... They walk into the aisle. Linda finishes packing the shopping. LINDA (to the cashier) Didn't think it was going to work. CASHIER What? LINDA This allergy thing. CASHIER You mean this Rita isn't allergic to garlic? LINDA Maybe she is and maybe she isn't. If she isn't then one of them was going to lose just because he brought her the wrong can of pickled cucumbers. Either brine or vinegar. CASHIER Wonder what they'll do when they find out she isn't allergic? LINDA They might say that they forgot all about it. (beat) Forgetting is a forgivable sin unlike the crime of picking the wrong can. CASHIER That was real smart of you Ms. Jenkins (beat) But sooner or later one of them will lose Rita. LINDA At least it won't be because of a fucking can of pickled cucumbers. Linda collects her bags. Jim and Paul walk out of the store. They wave to Linda and she waves back. LINDA (CONT'D) They were plain lucky that I was here. (to the cashier) By the way - if anyone ever asks you - I like mine in brine. END.

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